Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Morning After

If you offend easily, stop reading now and click away from this page. Today's column is going to be one of the most bare-fisted monologues ET has ever written. And we guarantee it will anger many of you.

But that is too darn bad. The ET consortium has a problem with a town that plays home to people who objectively manifest their ignorance of the actions and affairs that negatively impact on their quality of life. ET has seen many unexplainable, boneheaded things happen in 08005. The glaring contradictions shown via the result of last night's township committee election serves to reinforce the Barneghetto image 08005 has earned and so richly deserves.

If the level of stupidity in Barnegat could be turned into cash, America could cure the national debt in the blink of an eye. Perhaps if more of the electorate dared to read, think and analyze, the same type of "change" that happened nationally could have benefited 08005.

Nope. Not in Barnegat. Hell, this damn paradise of ours is either drunk, stoned or so divorced from reality that we would, in fact, buy the oil well in downtown Philadelphia.

How anyone could waste their vote on candidates offered up by a party that has raised Barnegat's taxes by the highest margin in the history of this town astonishes ET. Congratulations, Barnegat has entered the Twilight Zone. Perhaps if some of the people who live here spent as much time getting fluent in the affairs of the town as they do scheming someone else's spouse, the result of the township committee election would have credibility.

There are people to blame. And we intend to dump the septic tank right in their laps.

Where the hell was Dorothy Ryan? Ryan knocked out a Republican incumbent whose campaign outspent her's by more than 10-to-1 in 2007. While Melchiondo the Mayor had his name on just about every campaign flier the Republicans sent out, Ryan was invisible.

ET once referred to Ryan as "Dynamic Dorothy." From this date forward, the cowardly Mrs. Ryan will be befittingly known in these pages as "Dotty The Dud." Shame on you Dotty old gal. You buried your head in the sand and turned your back on many of the people who put you into office when you never got off your keister to do your own campaigning. You are a disgrace to those of us who made an investment of faith and trust in you - an investment we will never repeat. Hey Dotty, next time you try to eat pizza, remember to put your teeth in beforehand.

And where in the hell was that big-mouthed, lame-brained, workers compensation milking load Beer Belly Bill Coulter? Coulter is the democratic municipal chairman. With all the disarray in the local democratic party, he is about as effective as a hairbrush for a bald man.

Let's not forget his bride, Dolores. The once queen of Barnegat disgraced her legacy by not being visible and vocal in the campaign. Like Thomas Hartman, Dolores was bought off with a cushy public sector job. In the finest traditions of cheap politicians, Mrs. Coulter sold her integrity to the highest bidder. Hell, even the pigeons won't take a dump on her now.

Next we have the Barnegat Bimbo Brigade, Marianne Clemente and Rose Jackson. The supposed titular heads of the local democratic club did everything they could to sabotage their candidates with contradictory soapbox diatribes that undermined the campaign. Beware the enemies within. Yes, in this case at least, Brutus wore a brassiere.

Len Morano and Gene Chiarelli did a superb job of pounding the pavement and pressing the flesh. Clearly, they were the best choices for Barnegat. And, again, Barnegat goes true-to-form and shoots itself in the foot by electing another player from the clubhouse and maintaining the balance of power in favor of the very same bums who are taxing us to death.

Perhaps the one saving grace and cause for hope is the remarkable ad hoc, bipartisan coalition of supporters who stood behind Len and Gene. Many townspeople put aside their political preferences and campaigned and voted for the best candidates. If there is any leadership left in Barnegat, it will quickly reconnoiter and marshal these forces. But that isn't going to happen. Too many of the mental midgets are still arguing about who kicked whose grandmother in the bustle fifty years ago.

Neighbors, it makes no sense when you see a local question that was exposed as a new tax go down by more than 2-to-1 and then see the same political party that proposed the tax stay in power. If Barnegat takes World Class honors in anything, then it must be for its illogical and patently moronic actions. If they ever illustrate the word "jerk" in the dictionary, a picture of Barnegat's gazebo will serve nicely.

Barnegat made this mess and will pay the price for it. And to a better bunch of knuckleheads it couldn't happen.

Obviously you have NOT had enough. So spread your back cheeks and prepare for more. Just don't forget to smile as it violates you!